You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
