What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
