he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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