Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
