Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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