Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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