Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm like, not good at living.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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