I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
