Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
