I will die if light touches me.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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