Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
