Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
