Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
