happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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