I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize