If i come over, it means nothing
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
