we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
