haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize