i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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