i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
