my vag is so smooth its legendary
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
