They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
