OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
