Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
