Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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