Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
