It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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