You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
