It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
