You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
