Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize