the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
