I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
