i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize