Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
