You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
