I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize