I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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