those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
