do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
