Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
