Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
