he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
