The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
