need another drink. this is the easiest way
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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