Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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