My pussy is not your playground.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
