What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
