Apparently you make a good broom.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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