She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
