chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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