Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
