I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize