Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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