just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize