sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
