There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
