I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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