Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
