Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we made out on top of his cat.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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