I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
