Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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