i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
