sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
