The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize