There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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