pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
