Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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