I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do vagina's smell?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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