no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
