what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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