I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
