If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize