I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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