At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
