I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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