If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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