I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
