u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
